Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
