is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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