my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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