Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
