i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
