Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
