Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
