Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
