We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
