I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
