Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
