so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
