There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
