Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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