Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
