I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
