this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
