life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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