Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
