I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
