Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i will never coherently bang her
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think a kid would responsible me up
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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