I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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