i wish starbucks made bloody marys
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
