The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
