I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
