The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
