Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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