She went from zero to smokin in five shots
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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