She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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