Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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