My room smells like vodka and shame
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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