WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
