Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
