Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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