i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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