I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
