i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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