I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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