he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
