it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
