if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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