I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
