You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
