And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
