4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
