my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
