Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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