Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
