just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
