im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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