Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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