he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
