just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
